8/31/2018 5:30:44 PM
I started this ACEO in May of 2017. Really!
Then I did what I felt like a series of unfortunate paintings. My confidence went down. Down. Doooooown.
I really was proud of the underpainting, and so my anxiety went up, up, up. Would I ruin it? Was this the last time I would ever paint something I liked?
It's ridiculous, but thoughts like that happen.
I'd like to say my confidence was healed through friendship and luck. But no, confidence is internal. Certainly, those things get me going and help me have the energy to keep trying. I am very thankful for what I have.
The truth is, I had the confidence to glaze this painting because ... I'm tired! It was my first full day back at my job at a school. This painting is very small. It just needed another layer. And when I know I'm going to be doing over 80 more paintings in under 3 months, it's easier to take a chance.
14 out of 100 paintings #100daysproject
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8/30/2018 6:59:18 PM
I had a human moment. Would you like to hear about it?
You see, I am currently going through an exceptionally civil divorce. It's not why I got married, so that I could say with pride that we haven't been trying to claw each other's eyes out. It's sad; it takes up a lot of my brain power, and my emotions get hijacked.
I went outside to snap pictures of my crabapple tree. I stomped over to the flowering rose of sharon, my mind on attorneys and retirement accounts and legal matters. I was going through the motions because my schedule said this was the time to do "art stuff". But my heart and my mind were fluttering around like plastic shopping bags in the wind, a pile of unnecessary and destructive ruminations.
And then, a bee. A tiny one, caught in the sunlight just so. Perfect. Delicate. A pollinator that I would have to be in just the right time at the right moment to capture a reference image.
It was like a door opened, and I could let myself into the present moment again.
Other animals use tools, and communicate, and have rich emotional lives. But how many creatures startle into the present moment, realizing they were carried in a tide of their own thoughts?
I was angry at myself, and then I realized that all of us have done it. All of us are human (I'm assuming).
Painted as part of the #100dayschallenge. I'm hoping to finish 100 paintings in 100 days. This is 12/100.
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