5/26/2019 12:31:42 PM
Some weeks go a little smoother than others.
This week, I found myself thinking, 'I am empty. There's nothing left to give.'
Emotionally, I'd run out of stones to squeeze for water. For weeks, my Hobonichi doodle journal has been filled with sketches expressing my confusion and dismay with insomnia. There are days I didn't eat because I didn't have time or the mental wherewithal to figure out how to prepare meals.
And then, like so many others, I kept going.
I love mindfulness. But mindfulness is not really an answer. What mindfulness gives me is the knowledge that there's a question.
I can't answer anything if I don't know it was being asked.
Like so many rough patches, time with friends helps. I'm delightfully introverted, but people need people. Even art hermits.
With rough patches comes deep empathy for others. That is the thought that keeps me going, the belief that I'll be able to continue to live compassionately. Every iteration of a rough patch bringing me closer to wisdom.
I am worn out. I am taking time to check in with my thoughts, and most importantly I have a house guest to hang out with. If I have advice, it's to prioritize time with friends.
Like a flood of emptiness, this will recede.
We got this. Maybe not perfectly, but enough.
5/19/2019 7:29:04 PM
Hi, my name is Abigail, and I have the standard INFP addiction to personality quizzes.
Growing up, I knew that people were different from each other by virtue of the fact that I was a strange bird and other people weren't. I liked it, but it had some downsides. For example, I was bullied and isolated.
I have read a lot of biographies like this that say "I was picked on, so I turned to art. Then I won some big prize and it was amazing and it set me on my current path." Listen, friends, I never won diddly squat.
I turned out ok anyway. I accept that my quirks gave me spiritual wings, and that is enough.
I've been spending a lot of time thinking about happiness. My day job pays a few thousand dollars short of a living wage, and as I scramble to find a solution, happiness is on my mind a lot.
What I'm finding, is that I'm happiest when I'm:
- helping
- when I'm learning
- and when I'm solving
As promised, here are three literal ways to find you happiness.
1
Visit the Authentic Happiness Questionnaire Center
Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. wrote a book called Authentic Happiness which I picked up used for $2. Of course, I love this book. And these quizzes.
When I checked my happiness, I am naturally a little bit below average. I think of my natural state as being a pale, warm taupe. It's not sunny, but it gets along with a lot.
I appreciate knowledge like this because, as I said, I knew I was a bit left of center. But knowing more about it makes it more ok, not less.
As I get older, I'm learning to appreciate just how differently we can view the same situation, filter the same information, respond to the same events, and display the same strengths in different ways.
2
Find your happiness by voyeuristically discovering how someone else found theirs.
The pattern spotting wonder that is Gretchen Rubin spent a year trying to be happier and told us about it.
I picked up the audiobook through Overdrive, and I'm so glad I did!
Her life is, in many ways, absolutely nothing like mine. And yet, she's a human and I'm a human and hearing about her experiences just works.
3
Find your happiness by acknowledging what you have.
Gratitude is important, and I really recommend journaling and writing down 3 to 10 pieces of gratitude daily.
I see a lot of planners that give three little lines for gratitude, and while that is a nice start, that just isn't going to work for me. It takes more. If writing "I'm thankful for my family" works for you, keep doing that! If it wasn't rewiring your brain the way you expected, try writing more.
Practitioners of New Thought put a because after their gratitude, explaining why they are thankful. Other studies have participants explain how that good thing came into their life. Still other studies have had participants write an entire letter of gratitude.
For me, I've found it's been beneficial to acknowledge the role I play in making my own luck.
On the other hand, I was a little surprised by this:
"One study found that middle-aged divorced women who kept gratitude journals were no more satisfied with their lives than those who did not. "
Well, shoot.
I still recommend it, though!
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Week 20 in Review
What I'm excited about:
I'm still loving learning about life transformation and mindfulness coaching. Every time I learn something new, I see a way to incorporate teaching beginning and intermediate painting skills with a lesson on intuitive wellness.
Teaching color wheels while students explore how they feel about their different life areas? Yes, please.
Exploring how to sketch different animals while exploring how students relate to themselves? Yeah, that sounds fun.
Using color to explore our inner dialogue? Can't wait!
- Though remember, if you are hurting, there's a therapist for that.
If you would like to help me grow and practice, I've set up an application for Beta Tester Coaching Clients. You get free art lessons, and goal setting and mindfulness coaching. Interested?
I've also started returning to illustration. I have a lot of memories and wobbly reality from my marriage, and I've started to lean into that through illustration. Will it show up in future public work? I don't know.
But it feels good.
What I'm working on:
I have a large amount of work in my studio that I've started to chip away at listing on Etsy. If I have too much joint pain for shlepping crates to craft shows - ok. Time to do something different.
I have jewelry, miniature paintings, prints, stickers, and a zine that I will be listing over the next few weeks. My goal is to hit 100 items by the end of the summer. I'm reasonably certain I have that many items waiting to be listed, but of course, I'll keep painting. I can't help myself.
- I've added a jewelry section to my Etsy.
Please check my store out, thank you.
5/5/2019 7:06:59 PM
Do you ever feel so tired, that it feels like you're in a movie, where the world is buzzing past you so quickly that it's a blur, while you're stuck in a time bubble?
I'm going to go ahead and hope that at least one other person says yes because I don't want it to be just me.
Recently, I traveled by train to visit my boyfriend in Massachusetts. It was lovely.
I was nervous. I haven't been on a train for a long time. I had been told by a former partner that it was impossible to travel with me because I was so anxious. Hey - do you know what has never calmed an anxious person down ever in the history of the world? Telling them they can't do what they love because they're unpleasant to be around.
And do you know what's comforting?
Books.
I'm sure in my head I imagined just suavely whipping out another tome every time something went awkwardly. Oh, who is anxious? Surely not this cool as a cucumber middle-aged woman with a book crammed into every conceivable travel location.
So, anyway, as I lugged my luggage into the train I realized I might die, crushed to death under my own profound bookishness.
I always thought it would be the art supplies that did me in.
Ultimately, I survived.
Though I had a lingering malaise. I blamed the travel schedule. The new medicine for chronic health concerns. The strange weather. The nightmares and memories that haunt me whenever I decide to try something new, something that invites criticism.
I kept on blaming all those things until I went to my allergy shots.
The nurse gave me a side-eyed glance and asked me how I'm feeling. I said I was a bit tired but ok. She said I might have a cold, or strep, or a bug, or maybe strep. Then she kicked me out, explaining that there's no way my body was good to go for allergy shots.
That was a new experience.
So I went to Urgent Care and said I thought I had allergies, or needed some new books, or extra sleep.
By then the PA was already backing up and clutching a fistful of swabs. Could be strep, she explained.
I didn't think it was strep.
It was strep.
I'm on antibiotics and I feel great.
I've been studying mindfulness coaching. I adore it. My work has always been about finding beauty in a scary world, and suddenly I am learning about new ways to communicate that.
I had found approximately 1,001 reasons to not move forward with what I'd learned. And then synchronicity struck, and this podcast convinced me to "do it scared."
So, I'm doing it.
Music:
Thunderbird Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
*jazz hands and confetti*
I have made a meditation track for you.
To get the full experience I suggest getting in a comfortable position near a window.
It does assume that you can see plants from your window. If that's not true, I suggest getting frustrated with me. Then, place a houseplant near you. Run your fingers over the leaves, or do what works for you. I meant to mention it in the meditation, but I was nervous and I forgot.
This track isn't perfect, it isn't fancy, but it's from the heart. We are meant to grow; it's our job In this one second, we are safe.
