3 Ways to Find Your Happiness

5/19/2019 7:29:04 PM

Hi, my name is Abigail, and I have the standard INFP addiction to personality quizzes.

Growing up, I knew that people were different from each other by virtue of the fact that I was a strange bird and other people weren't.  I liked it, but it had some downsides.  For example, I was bullied and isolated.

I have read a lot of  biographies like this that say "I was picked on, so I turned to art.  Then I won some big prize and it was amazing and it set me on my current path."  Listen, friends, I never won diddly squat. 

I turned out ok anyway. I accept that my quirks gave me spiritual wings, and that is enough.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about happiness.  My day job pays a few thousand dollars short of a living wage, and as I scramble to find a solution, happiness is on my mind a lot.

What I'm finding, is that I'm happiest when I'm:

• helping
• when I'm learning
• and when I'm solving

As promised, here are three literal ways to find you happiness.

1

Visit the Authentic Happiness Questionnaire Center

Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D. wrote a book called Authentic Happiness which I picked up used for $2.  Of course, I love this book.  And these quizzes.

When I checked my happiness, I am naturally a little bit below average.  I think of my natural state as being a pale, warm taupe.  It's not sunny, but it gets along with a lot.

I appreciate knowledge like this because, as I said, I knew I was a bit left of center.  But knowing more about it makes it more ok, not less.

As I get older, I'm learning to appreciate just how differently we can view the same situation, filter the same information, respond to the same events, and display the same strengths in different ways.

2

Find your happiness by voyeuristically discovering how someone else found theirs.

The pattern spotting wonder that is Gretchen Rubin spent a year trying to be happier and told us about it.

I picked up the audiobook through Overdrive, and I'm so glad I did!

Her life is, in many ways, absolutely nothing like mine.  And yet, she's a human and I'm a human and hearing about her experiences just works.

3

Find your happiness by acknowledging what you have.

Gratitude is important, and I really recommend journaling and writing down 3 to 10 pieces of gratitude daily.

I see a lot of planners that give three little lines for gratitude, and while that is a nice start, that just isn't going to work for me.  It takes more.  If writing "I'm thankful for my family" works for you, keep doing that!  If it wasn't rewiring your brain the way you expected, try writing more.

Practitioners of New Thought put a because after their gratitude, explaining why they are thankful.  Other studies have participants explain how that good thing came into their life.  Still other studies have had participants write an entire letter of gratitude.

For me, I've found it's been beneficial to acknowledge the role I play in making my own luck.

On the other hand, I was a little surprised by this:

"One study found that middle-aged divorced women who kept gratitude journals were no more satisfied with their lives than those who did not. "

Well, shoot.

I still recommend it, though!

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Week 20 in Review

What I'm excited about:

I'm still loving learning about life transformation and mindfulness coaching. Every time I learn something new, I see a way to incorporate teaching beginning and intermediate painting skills with a lesson on intuitive wellness.

Teaching color wheels while students explore how they feel about their different life areas? Yes, please.

Exploring how to sketch different animals while exploring how students relate to themselves?  Yeah, that sounds fun.

Using color to explore our inner dialogue? Can't wait!

• Though remember, if you are hurting, there's a therapist for that.

If you would like to help me grow and practice, I've set up an application for Beta Tester Coaching Clients.  You get free art lessons, and goal setting and mindfulness coaching. Interested?

I've also started returning to illustration.  I have a lot of memories and wobbly reality from my marriage, and I've started to lean into that through illustration.  Will it show up in future public work?  I don't know.

But it feels good.

What I'm working on:

I have a large amount of work in my studio that I've started to chip away at listing on Etsy.  If I have too much joint pain for shlepping crates to craft shows - ok.  Time to do something different.

I have jewelry, miniature paintings, prints, stickers, and a zine that I will be listing over the next few weeks.  My goal is to hit 100 items by the end of the summer.  I'm reasonably certain I have that many items waiting to be listed, but of course, I'll keep painting.  I can't help myself.

• I've added a jewelry section to my Etsy.

Please check my store out, thank you.

Fear, Meditation, and Death by Bookishness

5/5/2019 7:06:59 PM

Do you ever feel so tired, that it feels like you're in a movie, where the world is buzzing past you so quickly that it's a blur, while you're stuck in a time bubble?

I'm going to go ahead and hope that at least one other person says yes because I don't want it to be just me.

Recently, I traveled by train to visit my boyfriend in Massachusetts.  It was lovely. 

I was nervous. I haven't been on a train for a long time.  I had been told by a former partner that it was impossible to travel with me because I was so anxious.  Hey - do you know what has never calmed an anxious person down ever in the history of the world? Telling them they can't do what they love because they're unpleasant to be around.

And do you know what's comforting?

Books.

I'm sure in my head I imagined just suavely whipping out another tome every time something went awkwardly.  Oh, who is anxious? Surely not this cool as a cucumber middle-aged woman with a book crammed into every conceivable travel location.

So, anyway, as I lugged my luggage into the train I realized I might die, crushed to death under my own profound bookishness.

I always thought it would be the art supplies that did me in.

Ultimately, I survived.

Though I had a lingering malaise.  I blamed the travel schedule.  The new medicine for chronic health concerns. The strange weather.  The nightmares and memories that haunt me whenever I decide to try something new, something that invites criticism.

I kept on blaming all those things until I went to my allergy shots.

The nurse gave me a side-eyed glance and asked me how I'm feeling.  I said I was a bit tired but ok.  She said I might have a cold, or strep, or a bug, or maybe strep.  Then she kicked me out, explaining that there's no way my body was good to go for allergy shots.

That was a new experience.

So I went to Urgent Care and said I thought I had allergies, or needed some new books, or extra sleep.

By then the PA was already backing up and clutching a fistful of swabs.  Could be strep, she explained.

I didn't think it was strep.

It was strep.

I'm on antibiotics and I feel great.

I've been studying mindfulness coaching. I adore it.  My work has always been about finding beauty in a scary world, and suddenly I am learning about new ways to communicate that.

I had found approximately 1,001 reasons to not move forward with what I'd learned.  And then synchronicity struck, and this podcast convinced me to "do it scared."

So, I'm doing it.

Music:

Thunderbird Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

*jazz hands and confetti*

I have made a meditation track for you. 

To get the full experience I suggest getting in a comfortable position near a window. 

It does assume that you can see plants from your window.  If that's not true, I suggest getting frustrated with me. Then, place a houseplant near you. Run your fingers over the leaves, or do what works for you. I meant to mention it in the meditation, but I was nervous and I forgot.

This track isn't perfect, it isn't fancy, but it's from the heart.  We are meant to grow; it's our job In this one second, we are safe.

Weekly Update April 29, 2019

4/28/2019 5:26:39 PM

It's difficult to sit down and write today.

Today, I wish I could just mourn.  Mourn for the people lost to terror, mourn for the people lost to propaganda, and to just be a sad sack all around.

But life is too life-y for that.

So, I am checking in.

How are you?

What do you need?

I am working on a coloring page.

I have fallen in love with Life Coach training and would like to share the moments of peace as I find them.

I am chipping away at projects.  My health is still unreliable, but I think I'm on a good path now.

I opened up about my anemia on Instagram.  Big Data is like the most attentive significant other - because now I'm getting endless advertisements for vampire video games.  Thanks, Big Data, you're a pal.

2019 Week 15: Trains are Great

4/15/2019 1:58:37 PM

What I learned this week is that riding on an Amtrak train is a great way to crush insomnia.

Not sure how useful that is for daily living.

Maybe I'll add "Own my own train car." to my bucket list.  For a fee, they'll hook you up to the passenger train and cart you around.

I was briefly defeated by iron pills, but I'm resting up and I'll try again soon.  Wish me luck.

1) Does anyone have a favorite brand of iron supplements?

2) Who wants to ride around on my insomnia railroad car?

I Didn't Need to Eat Chocolate, But Just Kidding, I Did

4/7/2019 8:39:33 PM

I Didn't Want These Lessons, But I Learned Them Anyway

3/31/2019 6:00:43 PM

2019 Week 13

What I've Learned

Those composite images from NASA make the universe look so appealingly orderly, even for something that is mind-meltingly vast.  And yet, the universe is chaotic.  But, we love to find patterns, so BY GOLLY, patterns we will find.

People, including me, often talk about being sent the lessons we need.  But that's a form of shorthand, really.  It's a short way of saying that my brain needed a certain sort of demonstration in order to build up its scaffolding surrounding a certain type of situation and the chaotic world we live in provided the information my brain was looking for.

See?  Isn't it easier to say that I was sent the lesson I needed?

Because our brains are both clever and kinda dumb.   And that's ok.

This week, I learned more about listening to my gut instincts.  And what are they saying?

• Don't trust people who don't believe in mental illness (again).
• Don't get hung up on the words of any one teacher.
• Making candles is a lot of fun.
• I don't have to prove that I'm an artist, I just popped out of the womb that way.
• It's ok to rest and regroup, I don't need to feel like I'm constantly rolling downhill.

What I'm Excited About

I have another doctor appointment soon.  I have high hopes.

What I'm Working On

I've been prioritizing my health, sketching mice and dragons and fat ghosts, and making more jewelry.

What About You?

What patterns have you been seeing?

2019 Week 12

3/24/2019 12:38:20 PM

What I've Learned:

1) Cabbage is a natural diuretic.

2) Yup, I have germs.

Driving Snakes Doesn't Sound Right

3/19/2019 2:32:53 PM

Notes from a Creative Journey - 2019 Week 11

I keep pointing my magic rectangle at the cat, and he continues to hate it.

What I'm Excited About

Spring is going to be here soon. There’s nothing like the vibrant green and chartreuse of spring.

Did you know many artists avoid painting spring scenes because it often looks fake?

What I’m Working On

Sketching. Promising myself I’ll reorganize my workspace so that I can work more efficiently. Then, feeling resentful about spending time on not working. Repeat.

I know it’s not just me. I tell you my shameful cleaning secrets as a public service.

Michaels had these black sketchbooks on sale, so obviously it was an essential purchase.

To be honest, I try to buy my supplies online to save major bucks. But, in an emergency, with a coupon, it can be OK. If you usually shop in craft store chains, try checking out Cheap Joe’s or Blick.

What I’ve Learned

Flu season is full of many bugs.

Also, I have added a new entry to my internal Spot a Smug Emotional Vampire Guidebook:

• Well, actually…
• I’m just genuinely curious here…
• Just playing devil’s advocate…
• *NEW* The DSM-IV has problems, so mental illness isn’t real…

What about You?

How do you spot smug SOBs?

What’s your favorite part of spring?

Would you also consider a black sketchbook and essential purchase?

Write and let me know :)

Whew! We made it! 2019 Week 10

3/10/2019 4:25:21 PM

  2019 — Tree of Light, 4"x7" oil on a photographic print

Ah. Time change weekend. The weekend where we ask, “Where did the time go?” even more than usual.

Excuse me, but I think I’d do really good things with that hour, and I’d like it back.

I can’t believe we’re less than a fifth through the year. Doesn’t January feel like a lifetime ago? I don’t know, maybe that purloined hour is tripping up my sense of time, like a schoolyard bully.

What I’m Excited About

This is my fifth weekly studio update in five weeks.

(Four, Three, Two, One)

Why is that exciting?

• 2018 was a year of chronic illness — both migraines and body pain. I’m not sure I had five Sundays in a row to use as I liked the whole year.
• It just feels good.
• I know the migraines and joint pain may come back, but even if they do, they can’t take the past 5 weeks away.

As I’m able to add more routines to my weekly schedule, I think I’ll be able to build a more robust business. Yes, it sucks that I have illness. It also sucks that I hadn’t built a creative business that could exist around chronic pain.

I thought I had, but it didn’t work.

I’m not there yet, but I am hopeful that I will find a path.

If you also have chronic pain, here are my current mental guidelines:

• focus on the process
• have small routines
• No. Smaller.
• E.G. — While it’s nice to have long blog posts, perfectly edited, with unique artwork, helpful SEO, a click to tweet, and so on — that isn’t going to work with chronic illness. How about aiming for: it makes sense at least 75% of the time and it exists. Ok, done.

If these help you in some small way, then my heart is happy.

I’m also excited about paste wax medium. It’s a gosh darn good time. If you’re into that sort of thing. Which I am.

In case you’re wondering, it’s a soft paste that is mixed into oils to make them behave differently — thicker, more translucent, and the paints can be pushed around and manipulated.

What I’ve Learned

Gratitude helps.

Just starting helps.

Language matters. For example, I’m under the impression that “highly sensitive/sensie” and “earth angel” are terms describing the same thing. Earth angel has a gentler ring than sensie, but highly sensitive sounds professional.

I wouldn’t want my boss to call me either.

Another example is saying that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a project sounds a lot better than I was an anxious mess and I couldn’t make myself start.

Do you see how it goes?

What I’m Working On

Travel Notes from a Creative Journey: 2019 week 9

3/3/2019 7:46:18 PM

Upcycled paintings — artwork turned into hoots

I have a day job as a teacher’s aide, which I’m convinced helps to keep me young and entertained. But, when I’m working hard, my thoughts often stage an elaborate jailbreak featuring a trained pigeon, a spoon, and rugged determination to catch my attention. This was one of those weeks where my own internal bugaboos just kept on popping up.

What I’m Excited About

Weeks ago, I experimented with doing the first steps of creating a new pendant while I was working on my morning pages (a daily journal). It felt good, it was an intensely satisfying way of setting the stage for a creative day.

So, of course, I forgot about it.

This week I had an “oh, duh” moment, and went back to it. I love it because I can work on it even with joint pain. I don’t need to stress about making something new, I’m sifting through the old to find glimpses of beauty.

I am starting to see that 2019 is the year of focusing on routines that work.

It’s such a small thing, but as I find more routines that work with my health as it is, I think I will be able to build my creative practice back up.

What I’ve Learned

This was a week of insights. Insights are a great first step.

I don’t know if this is an INFP thing, but I tend to get insights, and then I get symbols and images that help me to process through. The symbolism often finds it’s way into my paintings. Sometimes, I look for a symbol to represent what I’m feeling — but often the image just shows up on its own.

I’ve learned that I have been avoiding excitement. I have panic attack disorder. And guess what? Excitement and panic attacks feel very similar. (And yes, I am in therapy, and yes, I have come a long way. Being affected by illness is not the same thing as ignoring it.)

There are a lot of positive things that are exciting. My new ideas for projects, adding my favorite paintings to my website, checking out new venues, talking to new people.

And I avoid them.

But now that I’ve spotted the bugbear, I can have a conversation with it.

I think mindfulness might be able to help with this. I picture mindfulness as being a little like the Kool-Aid guy, smashing through walls and shouting OM YEAH.

I've also spotted imposter syndrome rearing its head — again.

In a lot of ways, my career path is similar to someone throwing themselves into art after retirement. Except I’m not retired; I’m going through a divorce. My call to adventure is occurring at what often feels like an odd age, not retired and not recently graduated.

And so, I doubt my ability to have anything worthwhile to say about the journey. Because I’m hurting and floundering, and I feel awkward and out of step.

But, I can’t be the only awkward weirdo out there. So I guess I’ll just keep trying to find some vulnerability, and if it can take some of the fear out of someone else’s life — then that’s gosh darn exciting.

What I’m Working On

I’m continuing to work on new jewelry. I’m working on my own inner bugaboos. I’m inhaling books and podcasts. And, I’m trying to figure out why my good camera is not playing well with others so I can do some overdue Etsy updates.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bug1dCjhmbl/ (video)

Also, I’ve started cutting out pictures from junk mail so I can make collages. It’s like assembling a puzzle of meaning out of the debris of modern living.

I’m learning to love the way my brain works, panic attacks, and fanciful images, and all. That’s going to take longer than a week, and it’s a good project.

What About You

Travel Notes from a Creative Journey: 2019 week 8

2/24/2019 3:12:08 PM

Hello, anxiety.

Travel Notes from a Creative Journey: 2019 week 7

2/17/2019 3:39:07 PM