2019 — Tree of Light, 4"x7" oil on a photographic print
Ah. Time change weekend. The weekend where we ask, “Where did the time go?” even more than usual.
Excuse me, but I think I’d do really good things with that hour, and I’d like it back.
I can’t believe we’re less than a fifth through the year. Doesn’t January feel like a lifetime ago? I don’t know, maybe that purloined hour is tripping up my sense of time, like a schoolyard bully.
What I’m Excited About
This is my fifth weekly studio update in five weeks.
(Four, Three, Two, One)
Why is that exciting?
- 2018 was a year of chronic illness — both migraines and body pain. I’m not sure I had five Sundays in a row to use as I liked the whole year.
- It just feels good.
- I know the migraines and joint pain may come back, but even if they do, they can’t take the past 5 weeks away.
As I’m able to add more routines to my weekly schedule, I think I’ll be able to build a more robust business. Yes, it sucks that I have illness. It also sucks that I hadn’t built a creative business that could exist around chronic pain.
I thought I had, but it didn’t work.
I’m not there yet, but I am hopeful that I will find a path.
If you also have chronic pain, here are my current mental guidelines:
- focus on the process
- have small routines
- No. Smaller.
- E.G. — While it’s nice to have long blog posts, perfectly edited, with unique artwork, helpful SEO, a click to tweet, and so on — that isn’t going to work with chronic illness. How about aiming for: it makes sense at least 75% of the time and it exists. Ok, done.
If these help you in some small way, then my heart is happy.
I’m also excited about paste wax medium. It’s a gosh darn good time. If you’re into that sort of thing. Which I am.
In case you’re wondering, it’s a soft paste that is mixed into oils to make them behave differently — thicker, more translucent, and the paints can be pushed around and manipulated.
What I’ve Learned
Gratitude helps.
Just starting helps.
Language matters. For example, I’m under the impression that “highly sensitive/sensie” and “earth angel” are terms describing the same thing. Earth angel has a gentler ring than sensie, but highly sensitive sounds professional.
I wouldn’t want my boss to call me either.
Another example is saying that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind for a project sounds a lot better than I was an anxious mess and I couldn’t make myself start.
Do you see how it goes?
What I’m Working On
I am vending at a SciFi Con in April and I’ve started the process of revamping my table display. Last year, I was so physically uncomfortable I wasn’t sure I could continue to vend at all, so I didn’t worry about my display.
I feel better, ergo time to freshen my table up a wee bit.
As much as I loved the magazine rack that looked like it was haunted by the ghost of a 1970’s poodle breeder, it is time to move on.
And oh yeah.
Art.
Look at that. It’s a painting. *confetti*
I’m finding that I go through cycles.
In one swing of the pendulum I love symbolism, I can’t get enough. Everything I see might end up in the visual story.
And then the pendulum swings back and I feel constrained, stifled. I don’t want symbols, I want color. I want the intuitive feel of swoosh and spread and drops. Reality is too real, symbols based on reality feel like a crowd when I just want to be alone.
I know that in a few days or weeks I’ll start to feel like freedom comes at the cost of communication. I’ll start to see and dream of symbols, spirits, and flowers.
I don’t know. At least I’m painting.
What About You
What are some of your creative cycles?
Do you have tips for living with chronic illness?
I’m Abigail and I’m an early career visual artist in New York state with a full-time job and a love of writing. My mission is to unSpooky life. I explore personal growth and nostalgia in my work using magical and natural imagery. You can find my gallery here.
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